Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

Today, I want to talk about something that matches my mood: the ex who goes astray. Now I say this matches my mood because I happen to be suffering from not one but two "-itis" type things. The joys of having tonsils, people.

That out of the way, I want to talk about the one who not so much got away, but went away. This particular boy was known as Chew-toy and wasn't so much a great date, but a great *friend* if you know what I mean. Chew-toy was the best accessory a girl could have: he cleaned up incredibly well, was a great lay, willing to try new things and had already seen me every way possible.

No, really. Chewy was there when I was an awkward preteen (we weren't speaking then, but knew of each other -- it was a small town), a chubby awkward teenager and as a sexually agressive young adult. He'd seen me in formal wear, in sleepover wear (he liked to crash slumber parties), in casual wear and in nothing at all. I've greeted him in slut boots, full make-up and a shirt cut down to there. I've also went over at 2 am wearing sweats, with Bride of Frankenstein hair. Together we raced upstairs, swam naked and had outrageous public arguments. We were starting to become the stuff legends were made of.

Then something went very wrong.

I decided it was time to move on. To find true love and let the sexual aspect of our involvement end. It worked well, at first. I lost a great lay, but gained a great friend. I became single again, we played at it, but never became lovers again. It seemed we were destined to have a Hollywood friendship.

Then he met someone. And that was the end. He was coerced into cutting off contact with his female friends, and dissappeared.

I hear rumors. They married, they have a daughter. It hurt at first, because, he'd been clear he didn't want kids with me. I didn't either, but pregnancy scares do happen.

It isn't the sex I mourned. It almost isn't even my friend I miss. But it makes me sad to think "he's done". The guy who had such big plans has dropped out of college, given up his post-grad dreams and taken a job. It's baffling. He's grown up, or so I've heard. It isn't just that I miss Chewy, it's that the guy I knew doesn't live here anymore. I'm still the same, but he isn't.

I don't which of us to feel more sad for.